Our trip to the Library

Have many of you have had this similar experience? I pray that I'm not the only one and that you feel my pain.

Each Wednesday I have made it a point to get to the Library with my kids to use the resources there and so today I don't usually take all 3 because Easton is just curious as it is and its just best if I take him myself.

But today I took him along with the girls and at first it was okay and he was playing with the toys that they have there and a 1/2 hour goes by and the girls have still not made their decisions yet and I can just tell that Easton is just going to SNAP and loose interest soon.

I give them the 2 minute warning and they still haven't made their final picks yet. I just decided to bite the bullet and just grab Easton and the two library bags and head to the check out desk. Paetan follows along and Reeghan is frantically looking for her last 2 allotted books.

I put Easton up onto the counter to help contain him so he doesn't run off by himself while I do the self-serve checkout because the librarians weren't at the desk. Then they come when I am almost done and see that he's on the desk and ask me to take him off. I still had one bag to finish checking out and I knew that if I put him down I would be in trouble.

I asked Paetan to watch him while I hurried to check out but he ran off back to the children's section which Reeghan luckily was still at so she grabbed him and then Paetan follows. All I hear is him screaming for his sisters to let go of him and I finish up and round the corner and drop the 2 bags I just checked out and an old lady says to my kids, "Where is your Mother!" in a sharp tone.

I am behind her at this point and I said, "I am right behind you!" grabbed Easton and picked up the bags and walked out!

Whew!!! What an ordeal and I continue to remind myself that its just a moment and that I just need to Breathe! At the library I could only picture in my mind what those people where thinking. "Look at her and she thinks she's going to bring another one into this world" but as I got into the car I told myself not to think such negative things and just realize that if I keep going consistently Easton will learn proper library etiquette (is there one?)

I can do this and I will come off conquering!

P.S. Easton picked this book out at the Library I thought it was very fitting.

BRIDGE

Since November our household has been chaos and part of the problem is that Trent and I have slacked in the parenting department and just let the kids run loose but not too loose. I've been more snappy at my kids and more irritable with them as well and I truly want to change and have been reading and praying alot for help and direction to overcome this barrier. I keep blaming me being pregnant but I can't do that to myself anymore. It has got to STOP!

Through all my readings I've been lead to a simple discovery that has changed my life: Parenting is supposed to be hard because it’s a process that challenges me to become my best self.

So I read about BRIDGE- it's about making a Bridge from chaos and misdirection to understanding and peace.

B- Breathe. Breathe deeply to move from the automatic, reactive self that is the first to hit the scene under stressful situations. Find that place of centered peace that is the most empowering to draw strength from to effectively problem solve and teach kids a better way. Help kids to calm down too! Calming under stress is a difficult skill to master, and gets easier and faster with practice... more on this later.

R- Reflect. Provide an accurate, undramatic mirror of what just happened by describing the child's actions: You pushed the chair over /You hit me/You threw the bowl on the ground /You are crying. Since young kids usually don't have the words to describe or explain what they did I've found it's helpful to then say what their intention might have been: You were trying to get his attention/You are tired of waiting/You wanted me to know you didn't like what I said/You seem angry and hurt. Reflection can be validating, it focuses on identifying and solving the problem instead of making the child feel they are the problem. It gives words to feelings, providing a safer release for them. Questions like: "Why did you hit your brother?" "Why are you crying?" put kids on the defensive and make problem-solving harder.

I- Invite a Response. After reflection, invite the child to talk now to get clearer picture of what they were trying to do and help them understand their own actions better. Sometimes silence invites a response. Sometimes asking "Is that right?" or "Is that what happened?" Sometimes I get their intention wrong and they correct me. I've been amazed at the things I've learned here, most of the times my kids were trying to do really legitimate things but it got misdirected. Even my little 2yr old little boy could say "Daddy sleeping" and I can deduce the rest. Sometimes it's hard to get a response. It takes time, the child needs to feel safe in order to talk. Putting out their own words is a skill they need to develop. Sometimes kids respond by crying harder, or wanting a hug, or nodding. Any response is a start. Sometimes the Reflect/Invite-Listen cycle can repeat a few times until all the information has been presented. We try to get it out there. When we go back to Reflect sometimes I find it's also helpful to Reassure- I have a hard time waiting too. and I don't like it when someone has something I want too. Sometimes though my kid was just being a stinker. There was no positive intention behind their motivations. They can learn from that too.

D- Direct a new course of action. When the child feels safe, validated, and their emotions have been understood this is the golden teaching moment, the opportunity for growth that is parenting at its finest. It's best if the child can direct their own course- I can ask him for a turn. I can wait until tomorrow when the show is on again. I can tell him I was trying to build a building. But while they're learning, I help them find a solution: You may not hit, look at how much that hurts your brother. When you want the toy say "Can I play with it when you're done?" or You may not push- your brother is so sad because that hurt. When you want his attention say "let's go play together" or We have to be patient when we're waiting for dad to come home. Let's look at a book or color a picture.

G- Go Over the Scenario. Hear the child speak the words you just taught them. Get them to practice- Let me hear you say it. Put them back in the scenario with the offender/offendee so everyone can learn. If they won't practice it I then send them to time out until they are ready to do so.

E- Encourage. Instead of just saying "good job!" describe what using their words is going to do for them. You did it. You helped him to understand what you were saying so he could help you better. You found a way to tell your brother what you wanted that made you both feel safe.

10 Areas of Awareness or Goals

10 areas of awareness or goals I've started working on to strengthen my family and home:

Build Routines- Routines don't just happen (at least in my family) but are an amazingly powerful tool to help everyone's day go smoothly, eliminate contention, meet everyone's needs, create a feeling of order and calm and... keep cavities at bay. Also a tool to teach kids the power of work.

Practice Calm and Connected Discipline- A number of my readings prove the most long-term effective way to teach kids is by remaining calm and focused with prepared tools on hand when disciplining instead of giving in to yelling, anger, frustration, and "losing it".

Support Good Choices- Often the parenting paradigm is backwards- kids get more payoff and attention from parents when they make choices that have a negative impact than when they are making good choices. By noticing, verbalizing, rewarding, and stickerizing good choices I hope to help build and reinforce them.

Enjoy One Another- Consistently having fun as a family through building family traditions, strengthening relationships and skills, laughing together, connecting and building memories.

Speak Love- I speak love to my children as I pay the price to really know them individually- spending one on one time together, making eye contact, giving gifts, giving affection, noticing things that make them unique and listening to them. Also may prevent a host of discipline and esteem problems.

Record and Remember- Capturing happy moments in photos, journals and videos, then organizing and taking time to go through them builds family joy in the present and motivates us in different ways to be better for each other.

Explore-Discover-Learn- Kids are wired for creative exploration, discovery and play and are happiest when they do this. Providing time, opportunities and tools to keep this enthusiasm alive keeps my kids in good moods, strengthens our connection when we do it together and leads to the development of talents and a love of learning that may build a foundation for a productive and happy career.

Strengthen our Community and Build Friendships- Getting to know our neighbors, building our schools and community, connecting with families who have kids my kids' age and providing my kids the time and availability to build and prioritize friendships teaches them to be a good friend and build good friendships. It gives us opportunities to lend a hand and find a hand when needed.

Give and Be Thankful- The development of gratitude and awareness of blessings ever-present in our lives came up in almost every book I read as a tool for strengthening family connections and increased well-being. Part of that awareness for thanks is giving back and finding opportunities to serve our community, country and world.

Nurture Faith and Spirituality- A relationship with God helps bring out my best and builds joy and happiness in my life. Many experts recognize it as an important foundation for wholistic childhood development.

Sick Day Realization

Sick days don't happen very much at our house, thank goodness, but when they do it seems that the whole household is on pins and needles and waiting for something to explode. It seems that my kids only get sick in January or February of each year.

It's January and that's what happened this week to our Easton. He is starting us off. In times past I would have just felt guilty all day that I didn't get much accomplished on those days when they stayed home but this go round I felt something different.

It may be helpful that I've got a belly in the way this time and I try to make every excuse possible to just sit and do nothing but my mind shifted this time. I no longer had that guilt feeling because I finally realized that Easton is starting to get too big for my lap because he sat on my all day for two whole days while he had his sickness. Literally, he would not let me leave his side.

I actually enjoyed every minute of it and had no worry that my house was becoming a disaster and that the girls where taking things from their bedroom down to the dirty garage to play house. I wasn't that bothered. I was cherishing this moment with my son because I am this year trying to enjoy those little moments with each child and to slow down.

At one point a friend asked if we wanted to go to the beach and we hadn't been out all day and the girls were antsy and I figured that Easton needed some fresh air so I went and it was so nice to just relax and sit by the sounds of the waves crashing and he was quite content just sitting on me, of course.

I'm already good with simplicity and slowing down but I want to do it in regards to my children and not my "to do list" I know that if I focus on this with my family that all my to do's will fall into place and I will be OK.

So when sickness come and its yucky and you feel like its never going to end just think that these little ones will not be crawling up to your lap when they are 16 and wanting you to just "hold them"

Easton kept telling me all day "hold you, hold you" and at one point he actually said to me, "Mom, go into my bed?" Wow! I really didn't want to because I was enjoying him snuggling with me but the belly was in the way I'm sure and he was getting uncomfortable. So cute!

Love them, cherish them even amongst the vomit and fevers!

Another Powerful Moment

Started the day with a baptism and it was beautiful it was Reeghan's friend McKell from her primary class. I took the two girls and we enjoyed sharing that time together and talking about the importance of baptism.

That evening we had our adult session of stake conference. As a stake we are sustaining a new stake presidency tomorrow so the beginnings of the meeting were parting comments from the counselors.

We then were privileged to have Elder Allen Packer there. He is Pres. Boyd K Packer's son. The message was simple yet direct and it was that we need to tap into and find out from our own personal revelation how strong our testimonies are of our prophets, seers and apostles. Do they truly speak for God on earth?

I know they do and have known that but he then went on to say, Do your children know that you know? Wow! That was an eye opener for me and in this past year of General Conference I heard most speak about the importance of teaching righteous principles in the home and about family so I knew it was important but for some reason being in the presence of him and the way he said it meant more to me. I had received my own personal witness of it at that moment.

I returned home rejuvenated from my experience from being taught about listening and coming to your knees in prayer to find things out for yourself.

Then I walked into my bedroom and it was a disaster! The girls had clothes toys, etc strung all over the place and I just blew up and couldn't control my tongue and said things that just were wrong but of course no bad things, just in the moment stupid things.

It finally came to a point where I needed a timeout for myself and I do it quite often but this time I took the advice I was taught this evening and dropped to my knees and BEGGED for help.

I've had a few hard months as a mother and these girls are testing me and I was always looking for mans answers in books that I've read and not turning to the Lord to receive my own personal revelation as to what I needed to do for each child.

I've prayed all my life and knew I needed to pray when things got hard but became selfish and wanted to figure it out on my own which then lead me to books.

But tonight was a prayer like no other. I was very direct and it was a very humbling experience for me. I sat in my room crying and pleading for one more chance to be that mom I've dreamed of and to have my children feel loved by me. It was an amazing experience and I was so grateful to apply my knowledge that I had learned tonight and put it to practice.

It's in the simple acts of prayer and scripture reading where great things can happen and I can't wait to prove myself as a better mother and wife as I do those simple things that will bring me more happiness and harmony in my home.

After all of that I began to look for more answers and came across this great article and felt more motivated to really dig deep and teach my children to "love" the scriptures.

Girls home for break

Its been a very long Thanksgiving break with the girls home and I as the mother should have planned and prepared things for them to do but I didn't! So I guess you could say that I deserved the constant fighting and quarreling that has ever happened and I'm afraid that this is just the beginning for these two sisters.

But as I have reflected on my experiences with them it all started a few weeks ago when I began very lax in my parenting and have let them just have free reign of the household because I was in the spirit of Christmas and wanted them to enjoy all the movies, games, etc. while I just sat by the Christmas tree on the couch.

I also haven't been on top of my Accountable Kids system either. Just another thing I do to keep it sain around my house. I know that when I do it the household runs alot smoother and I'm happy as well as the girls.

I too realized that I hadn't been taking care of the person inside the mom and just let things Go! We all have those moments but this one tended to last a bit longer than usual.

It all hit me when I went to the temple of just how bad I had been and how I've let my "mom" let go. I needed that alone time for 6 hours to just think and contemplate on my goal as a mother and why I've always wanted to be a mother. Because the mother I was being was not who I envisioned in my head. I didn't like that mom and I wanted my old self back. I then realized that I wasn't taking the time to spiritually connect as a daughter of God and that I neglected my Savior and that in turn my family too was neglecting him too.

I know we all have our weaknesses and we constantly are learning and growing from our mistakes as well as others and I hope that by writing this out for myself I will recognize just how lucky I am to have these 3 children in my care. I adore them and want them to love and cherish me like I do to them.

I am currently reading "Parenting with Love and Logic" I've been really impressed with it so far and can't wait to finish it. Recap will come later but until then I will go take care of myself and have a slight break to recommit myself to Accountable Kids and the mom that I want to be. Wish me luck!

The Remarkable Soul of a Woman

Its down to the last two days of the month and I had been wanting to find some special gifts for some of my friends that I visit with each month and came across this book.

I was able to write to each one of them a special note in the front of this book. I felt that each one of them needed to feel loved by me through this book. Its a very quick read and one I could read each day to be reminded of my special role.

One friend in particular has had many life experiences and has had quite the life and I have enjoyed getting to know her and her personality. I stopped off for 10 minutes to give it to her and to have a little small talk and then we said our goodbyes.

The next day she called me. The conversation went a little like this:

"That book you gave me yesterday saved my best friend from having an abortion today!"

I had to have her repeat what she had told me. I was shocked! I began to ask more details and how this all had happened. She explained that as she was driving her friend to the doctor appointment to have an abortion, her friend asked her about the book that she had in the car.

Then her friend begins to read it and began to cry and told her that she wasn't going to go through with it anymore. WOW! I knew that I was inspired to give that book to my friend and that my friend was an instrument in the Lord's hands to help that woman know her true value.

It just goes to show you that the Lord does have a hand in all that we do and it also reminds us just what is important in life. It is a life of a baby! Its the most beautiful experience a woman can have to carry a special spirit and to bring it to this earth and cherish it.

This experience that she shared with me taught me to recognize the hand of God in my life and how if we "pay attention" and recognize all the little things, that you don't think matter, it can bless lives.

I encouraged her to write down this experience that she had with her friend and to hold on to those memories tightly because life throws us some fast balls and if we aren't armed and ready to catch them they will whack us hard and bring us down.

That's why I felt the need to share this with you and I hope that each of us will recognize our own little trials and blessings in life because we don't know if we will be the one that will help another and maybe even be a part of saving a precious baby's life!

Wow! I'm still shocked!

The Day After Effect

Drive up to Costco parking lot and I jump out to get the cart to get my chore done of grocery shopping. My almost 2 year old refuses to get into the cart which happens to be one of the very few times that he has done this.

My 5 year old didn't bring her shoes so she has to get into the cart with her brother too. I get them all buckled after I think is 5 minutes but really was probably one minute.

I then turn to find my 7 year old is opening the back of the car to find her sister's shoes and balloons almost fall out of the car that belong to the 5 year old who starts screaming to shut the door so that they don't fly away.

By this time my 2 year old son has already been in standing position in the cart with the buckle at his ankles. I continue to put him into the cart once again and then my 5 year old thinks she needs to be a "big girl" and sit in the bigger section of the cart.

"Really! Is this what is happening to me?"

I try to keep my cool because others are walking too and from their cars and I really don't want to make a scene. I finally get the two back into the buckles and just start walking hopefully the 2 year old will be distracted by others and watching cars go by.

My vision didn't work out he continued to scream and climb out of the buckle once again and then my 7 year old pipes up that she is hungry and wanted to stop and get a Costco hot dog.

Then my 5 year old agrees and all 3 at this point are all just talking, asking and screaming! I didn't even get 5 car lengths away from my car and just threw in the towel and just gave up on my mission to get my chore of grocery shopping done and just turned around and walked back to the car.

How many of you have done that before?

Everyone is crying by this point and everyone refuses to get into their car seats. I already have a hard time putting my 2 year old in the car anyway so this didn't help out.

The parking spot next to us was open I love when this happens when I have to get my son into the carseat so I can climb in and put my body over the carseat to get him in. This time a car had to wait for me because I was just fuming at his point and I could tell that my face was getting red and his carseat buckle was having issues. So needless to say this car waited for about one minute until I got it figured out.

I tell you this story because I know some of you out there have related to this in some way or another. I just returned from the Power of Mom's retreat and this is why I called my story "The Day After Effect" because I'm sure its happened to alot of us. We go off to enjoy ourselves for a couple of days to come back to our children really missing us and just out of whack!

I was taught while I was away about perspective and I thought about this while on the drive home from Costco and decided that I just needed to do something fun.

I got out of the car and asked the girls to get ready for a bike ride and they were thrilled. I just needed to get fresh air as well as they did after all that had happened. I just knew that if I did this spontaneous activity with my children my perspective would be changed a little and really enjoy the moment.

Well it lasted for quite sometime and we were enjoying the weather and Easton and Paetan were sitting in the bike trailer so Easton had had enough and started to pull her hair.

Why do boys find this to be funny? Honestly he does it to get their attention and its his way of picking on them because they do it so much to him.

So needless to say we ended our bike trip early! But in the end they were just happy to be back with mom and gave me alot of loves!

Summer Bucket List

Summer goals for each family member:

Dad
* weekly interview with children
* lunch date with a child once a week
* turn off computer and limit phone use while at home

Mom
* print a blurb book of our family blog
* teach the girls how to make a meal (but I should learn how first, haha)
* focus on my weekly schedule and execute the planned activities
* schedule all retreats and workshops for the rest of the year and find locations
* read one book a week
* take 2 dance classes

Reeghan
* piano practice 3 times a week
* learn swim strokes and diving
* set up a tent

Paetan
* learn to ride a bike
* Finish 100 Easy Lessons of reading
* swim lessons
* swing on the monkey bars

Easton
* practice being soft and not hit
* learn 5 new words and speak them


List of activities to earn this summer are:

Camping trip
Legoland Waterpark
San Diego Fair
Sea World
San Diego Children's Museum


I really do enjoy the area that we live in. We have alot of activities for the children and of course we have alot of the amusement parks as well.

Why we go to Stake Conference with little children.

I knew that this morning was going to be a difficult one already because the children were not getting along at all. Plus Trent is out of town as well so I had to do it by myself.

I know you probably thinking that that's not a big deal because I know alot of you out there deal with it all the time by yourselves with more kids then me. I get it. But I just wanted to write this all out to make me feel better.

We got to conference 15 minutes late because Easton fell down 2 steps and got a bloody nose. We get there and were put into the Primary room because everything was filled already.

We were able to sit down for 2 minutes then the arguments began about what pen or pencil that they wanted. Easton was quite content for a 1/2 hour or so because of the little girl behind us. They were being cute together and sharing food with eachother.

It was my older two that were giving me a hard time! You would expect it from a 2 year old but not them. It was quite frustrating. I've learned that they enjoy seeing me get into this position so that they can easily persuade but I stood my ground everyone.

I stuck it out and just hung on with all my might not to walk out the doors and go home but I know how important it is to teach our children to sit and be reverent and endure to the end!

A New Chapter in my Life

I've asked Trent for an early Mother's Day gift this year and the following will tell you a little bit about it:

I've officially stepped out of my comfort zone to tackle a new chapter in my life of reaching out to other mothers and I am truly excited to share my news and ideas about it! I've been following this incredible website for the past couple of months that I heard about from my favorite book, "A Mother Book of Secrets" written by Linda Erye and Shawni Pothier. This website was created by the other Erye, Saren and her friend and its been amazing to read and enjoy.

The chapter begins with sending a payment to attend a Power of Mom's Retreat in St George in June for training and just a 2 day experience to be in the presence of other wonderful moms plus I get to meet Linda Erye which I am totally stoked about. She has been such a great role model for me as well as her family! I am just beaming you don't even know how much this means to me to be taught and to soak up information on how I can increase my desires to be a great mother and to pass it on to others in my community!

About 3 months ago our ward has started our own Learning Circle with about 8-9 other mothers living through the trenches! I love every minute I get to be with these girls and I have learned quite a bit in our short time of meeting together once a month for only 2 HOURS! I wish it could go longer but I don't think our families would appreciate it!

So any of you out there please check out their website and find a learning circle in your area and if you don't have one I suggest you start one and get your friends together and learn and grow together. I'm excited about these retreats that they will be offering as well and I will be given the opportunity to organize one in my area! So those of you in my area I can't wait to get this started and to give you more information about it when it comes available!

Wish me Luck!